5mar/030
The Sparks: Death Test
"I'm afraid we have some bad news. Please, you might want to stay seated."
Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on:
April 27, 2041
at the age of 61 years old.
On that date you will most likely die from:
- Heart Attack (26%)
- Cancer (18%)
- Electrolysis (10%)
- Alien Abduction (7%)
- Public Execution In a Third World Country (7%)
- Homicide (5%)
Interesting stats from the DeathTest:
- 12680327 people have taken the DeathTest.
- Of those, 55% were female and 45% were male.
- The average life expectancy of test takers is 67 years.
- 10% of test takers have hairy nipples.
- 4% have had team sex.
- 8% work in the porn business.
- And 234291 people claim to have leprosy.
Disclaimer: We, despite being proficient with the human anatomy, are not doctors. Keep that in mind before calling your lawyer as you're clutching your left arm moaning "Damn you, Spark, Damn YOU!" on April 27, 2041, as you slip silently into the night.
