Heavy Metal Jesus Heavy Metal, Thunder Strikin’ Jesus!

47 years old!

This is how you'll make (or lose) big bucks during your very eventful life. Match these events on your personal timeline with the graph to see their effects.

2004: Your single "Rooty-Tooty-Booty (freak remix)" goes platinum.

2007: You take donkeys.com public. The value of "the home page for miniature and small standard donkeys" triples in one day.

2012: You sell your body to science, and it turns out they can actually use a little of it.

2015: Investing in Internuts, purveyors of on-line balls, proves disastrous.

"Hi, I'm Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, noted crap-monger, and star of TV's Melrose Place. I'm also a psychic. Anyway... I predict that your first million dollars will be made in 2023, in the following ways: "

$186,000 begging in the streets.
$184,000 through insider trading.
$182,000 being a star.
$180,000 through lucrative nerd-ism, like me, Bill Gates.
$114,000 working 9 to 5.
$154,000 hunting/gathering.

Of the 2,313,729 people who've taken the WealthTest:

38% have shoplifted without getting caught
41% sign their name with an initial
40% have profited from the misery of mankind
20% have burned, torched, flamed, or ignited currency
2% wear pasties to work
19% scratch 'n sniff themselves

and 595991 have moms who fart