Heavy Metal Jesus Heavy Metal, Thunder Strikin’ Jesus!

47 years old!

This is how you'll make (or lose) big bucks during your very eventful life. Match these events on your personal timeline with the graph to see their effects.

2004: Your single "Rooty-Tooty-Booty (freak remix)" goes platinum.

2007: You take donkeys.com public. The value of "the home page for miniature and small standard donkeys" triples in one day.

2012: You sell your body to science, and it turns out they can actually use a little of it.

2015: Investing in Internuts, purveyors of on-line balls, proves disastrous.

"Hi, I'm Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, noted crap-monger, and star of TV's Melrose Place. I'm also a psychic. Anyway... I predict that your first million dollars will be made in 2023, in the following ways: "

$186,000 begging in the streets.
$184,000 through insider trading.
$182,000 being a star.
$180,000 through lucrative nerd-ism, like me, Bill Gates.
$114,000 working 9 to 5.
$154,000 hunting/gathering.

Of the 2,313,729 people who've taken the WealthTest:

38% have shoplifted without getting caught
41% sign their name with an initial
40% have profited from the misery of mankind
20% have burned, torched, flamed, or ignited currency
2% wear pasties to work
19% scratch 'n sniff themselves

and 595991 have moms who fart

In addition, we have determined that for a small bribe of 149 bucks, you'd spread a jar mayonnaise in your underwear and wear it for a month straight.

Good luck with your future life.

Of the 1,049,789 test takers so far:

4% are as greedy as you.
21% are greedier than you.
75% are less greedy than you.

And according to the GreedTest...

Coupon users are more likely to steal.

Republicans are less likely to commit dog-murder.

Hookers are more likely to know the value of a dollar.

Homeless people are more likely to work at TheSpark.

70 %

14 people!

Including the 3 (shut up, stop laughing!! I was a late bloomer okay!) you've already had sex with,
that makes 11 new lovers!

The info on your 11 future sex partner(s):
11 of them will be female
0 of them will be male
And you will actually love 3 of them!
Based on your answers, there's a good change that someone your know secretly wants you.

Interesting test statistics:
(updated every 5 minutes)

How Females Describe Themselves Most:
attractive (23%)
funny (21%)
sexy (21%)
cute (12%)
fun (12%)
pretty (8%)
smart (8%)
horny (8%)
NICE (7%)
sweet (7%)
funny (26%)

How Males Describe Themselves Most:
attractive (23%)
sexy (16%)
horny (11%)
smart (9%)
nice (7%)
fun (7%)
cute (6%)
intelligent (6%)
hot (6%)

6,117,085 people have taken The SexTest

55% of all test takers are female, and 45% are male.

40% are virgins.

6% are married.

71% believe in love at first sight.

31% of all Star Trekkies are virgins.

50% bastard!
28% of which is Tard

The worldwide average is 44% bastard.

How others compare:

2% (same as you)
28% (more bastard than you)
70% (less bastard than you)

Of the 2,555,750 test takers so far:

73% like to drink
58% gamble
51% will lie for sex
48% have cheated
41% hate homosexuality, 100%% of whom will die stupid and alone
17% would have sex with a relative
7% like childporn

Interesting Results:

That's gayer than average for someone of your gender and supposed orientation. The typical straight guy is only 38% gay!
Here's how you compare:

people less gay than you (69%)
people just as gay as you (2%)
people gayer than you (27%)